TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

[sanjunipero]

TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

Have a little too much to drink last night and send that embarrassing text to your ex?

Did you party a little too hard and send pictures of the wild night... to all of your contacts?

Was 3am when you dusted off the number of that old flame and confessed how much you wanted them back?

Or simply catching up on the adventures that drunk you got into?

Just because heaven is a place on earth at San Junipero doesn't mean it's without any consequence. Be careful checking your phone in the morning, it might have some weird texts from last night.

MAY BE NSFW

Comments

[sophistication]

[ Did this boy really just eyeroll emoji her? Four times? Seriously? He apparently does not realize who Veronica Lodge is, or that putting obnoxious and entitled fuckboys in their place is one of her favorite pastimes. ]

I'm sure the entire female population is just clamoring for you convulse on top of them for five seconds and then fall asleep.

Do you prefer if they fake like it's amazing, or is it all the same to you?

[fucking_kavinsky]

[ Sadly, this fuckboy will probably never be put in his place. Not in life or death or anything in between. She can certainly try, though. It'll definitely make for an amusing time at San Junipero ]

Oh, dollface u got no idea wat ur talkin about. i'd take u on the ride of ur life.

i feel bad for u, sounds like that's all youve experienced.

[sophistication]

[ Oh, and try she will. She's ruthlessly persistent sometimes. ]

Of course you would, but I won't hold my breath
You realize that just because you get off doesn't mean that she does, right? Not that those kinds of things are important to guys like you.

Oh, please. Don't read into that much. It'll probably make your pretty little head hurt.

[fucking_kavinsky]

are u even still breathing?
look, sometimes i just do what i fukin do.
whatever happens after that, not my problem.

if she's good, she'll keep the fuk up

bitch, i doubt it

[sophistication]

And what is that supposed to mean?
Are you really being serious right now? That's the excuse you're going to give me? Because it's so hard to make sure the other person isn't completely unsatisfied?
No, you're right. I wouldn't want you to have to take time out of your busy schedule of degrading women and being a huge prick to have to do that.

Let me guess, she probably rarely meets your standards of good, right?

Listen here, you couldn't hold a candle to the boys -- no, I'm sorry, the Men -- that I've "experienced". So, how about you go back to organizing all your Ed Hardy apparel and when it's time for the little boys to play, your babysitter will let you know.

[fucking_kavinsky]

i mean are u permanent or visiting?

[Honestly the next part of these texts is tl;dr so Kavinsky just skims most of it, catching words like 'hard' and 'huge prick' mostly. Fucking women these days. don't even shut up through text]

yo, V. u wanna come babysit me? I need some tits to suck on.

[sophistication]

Permanent. Why?

[ And she literally stares at her phone in disbelief for a good while. He did not just completely ignore her entire speech AND give her some unwitty and typical douchebag response. If she didn't actually value the device in her hands she probably would have chucked it across the room in frustration.

Instead, she exhales heavily through clenched teeth, her fingers slow and careful as she types nothing more than two words. ]

You're disgusting.

[fucking_kavinsky]

the newer ones always still think they're breathing.

[He's laughing to himself, because he thinks it's hilarious. She pretty much asked for it with that one and he can only imagine the look on her hot little face, which makes him laugh a little harder ]

i'm imagining u saying that while ur taking off your robe. Hotttt.

[sophistication]

Okay. Really. What the hell does that even mean?

[ Her eyes practically roll out of her head at his next reply and she's starting to seriously regret having given this guy her number. How drunk was she that night? ]

Imagining is all you're going to be doing, so I hope you're enjoying it.

[fucking_kavinsky]

guess u really are just another pretty face.

[Probably most people who give their numbers to Kavinsky think its the most spectacular idea ever and then end up kind of regretting it. Only not completely, because somehow he ends up making it worth their while.]

u will not BELIEVE how good my imagination is. damn, those titties. so big. even if ur left nip is bigger than ur right one, i can make due.

[sophistication]

I'll let you keep thinking that.

[ She's thoroughly disgusted by this point. How does an actual human person say those kinds of things? ]

Excuse you?

[ As tempting as it is, she's not going to validate anything he says by checking for herself -- she's pretty sure they're both fairly symmetrical, Thank You Very Much. ]

[fucking_kavinsky]

I mean the level of explaining I had to do. keep up.

[He snickers to himself. He can just imagine her face right now]

u just told me to use my imagination. I'm goin at it good.

[sophistication]

You're not exactly easy to follow. You kind of go from one topic to another like you've got the attention span of a goldfish.

I meant for you to keep it to yourself, too. I don't need to hear all your little perverted fantasies.

[fucking_kavinsky]

it would help if u gave me somethin more interesting to focus on.

u brought it up, V. don't be such a tease.

[sophistication]

Maybe you could get better interests?

Uhm. No, in fact, I didn't. You were a disgusting pig all on your own.
Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of teasing you.

[fucking_kavinsky]

are u callin urself a waste of time?

some girls just bring it out in me, i guess.

u got that kinda face

too late, u been doin it all night. cant take it back now, im so close.

[sophistication]

don't try and twist my words around.

How did I ever get so lucky?

[ The disgusted sound she makes at her phone is impressive. Kavinsky should be proud. ]

Please tell me you're not serious.

[fucking_kavinsky]

i mean i was talking about u, so...

idk, must be heaven.

[Honestly, he wishes he could see it.]

come on, baby. say somethin dirty to me.