TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

[sanjunipero]

TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT

Have a little too much to drink last night and send that embarrassing text to your ex?

Did you party a little too hard and send pictures of the wild night... to all of your contacts?

Was 3am when you dusted off the number of that old flame and confessed how much you wanted them back?

Or simply catching up on the adventures that drunk you got into?

Just because heaven is a place on earth at San Junipero doesn't mean it's without any consequence. Be careful checking your phone in the morning, it might have some weird texts from last night.

MAY BE NSFW

Comments

Amy Santiago | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Permanent

[powerpose]

1. Remind me tomorrow that nothing happened between me and the guy who's shirt I'm wearing

2. Did you pay your friends to not make fun of me?

3. He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman can't fly anymore. I was so sad for him.

4. You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants.

5. I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.

2

[lefthandfree]

If by pay you mean bought them all a round and a pizza to split, then yeah.

But I do that every time, so.

4

[corve]

i needed something to clean the mess up with.

1

[fucking_kavinsky]

You must be super fug.

3

[underachievement]

Good. I hate it when people are proud of that crap.

Adam Parrish | The Raven Cycle | Visitor

[unaffluent]

1. some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.

2. You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

3. Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!

4. I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him existing.

5. Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful

5

[corve]

for who?

[fucking_kavinsky]

always figured ur dick worked the other way around

2

[sophistication]

And you kept saying that I didn't have any worthwhile talents.

JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES | MCU | VISITOR

[lefthandfree]

1) In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.

2) We were like one big happy Eskimo family.

3) Hope you're okay. You were running down the street with a shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"

4) I'd say I was is in rare form last night, but it's becoming pretty common.

2

[unaffluent]

What does that even mean?

3

[corve]

fuck. that explains the road rash.

1

[sophistication]

I'm guessing that he didn't stick the landing?

4

[underachievement]

Welcome to the pain in the ass that is living

Ronan Lynch | Permanent

[corve]

1. got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
2. come back. shots need mouths.
3. i know i swore i wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
4. i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
5. [ choose your own adventure ]

2

[unaffluent]

You're so dumb.

4

[powerpose]

The standards are quite low but yes, a little.

Raleigh Samson | Permanent

[tactually]

1. In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
2. I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
3. Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
4. I want to say that I deeply regret the accident with the soda bottle.
5. [ choose your own adventure ]

3

[unaffluent]

Your guess is as good as mine.

Tony Stark | Permanent

[im_ironman]

1. Mac and cheese before 8am. There's nothing wrong with that.

2. I punched him so hard that I think I broke something.

3. You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.

4. [text him!]

1

[fucking_kavinsky]

technically everything's before 8am

Amanda Perry | Stargate Universe | Permanent

[miss_brilliant]

1. Time is relative and pants are optional.

3. im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?

3. how did we start talking about space blow jobs?

4. text her!

2

[unaffluent]

I don't know much about bras... but

They don't usually need babysitting do they?

Veronica Lodge | Permanent

[sophistication]

1. Is it bad to have four different guys toothbrushes in your bathroom? Asking for a friend.
2. I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
3. Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
4. You were so drunk that when you dropped your fruit roll-up on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
5. [ choose your own ]

4

[unaffluent]

Did you help me?

Georgiana Cavendish | Permanent

[ofdevonshire]

1. I'll have you know, and it is on highest authority, I have trained your dogs to bring me snacks from the other room. I believe you owe me $5 and a gift.

2. Unfortunately I am awake, still quite tipsy, and covered in flower petals from the festival.

3. Your lover is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely nothing but a cape. I know you said he looks like a superhero, but this getting a bit ridiculous.

4. You know the Riverside Hotel, yes? I met a woman there and. . .well should I be worried if disrobed the only thing she clings to keeping on are socks with "property of Jesus" on them?

2

[sophistication]

If woodland creatures show up, I think that makes you a fairy princess officially.

Joseph Kavinsky | Permanent

[fucking_kavinsky]

1. Apparently you were walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this."

2. Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF

3. Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n

4. I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic

5. text him!

2

[unaffluent]

Please tell someone who cares.

Trenton | Visitor

[inshallah]

1. You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?

2. You just kept looking down at your chest and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"

3. He keeps bees of course he's weird

4. sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely with that other girl now...

4

[ofdevonshire]

He does know she won't actually sleep with him if he's a Visitor, yes?

jessica jones | visitor

[underachievement]

1. It was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery

2. If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

3. Just come get me. Somewhere a homeless guy is gonna to want his dumpster back, and I kind of want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.

4. I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it" or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"

5. * wild card

1

[corve]

sounds like my kind of stuff.
do you happen to remember where you found it?